One-Way Streets and Closets

Margo Howard
Thu, 20 Feb 2014 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Margo: I'm 17 and crazy in love with one of my best friends, but I know nothing will ever come of it because we are both girls and she is straight. She's always with her boyfriend, and she asks me about boys and tells me about her sexual activities.

I can't stand this anymore. I've tried so many times to forget her, in vain. I don't think I can stop seeing her because I love her and care about her, and, also, I would have to explain to my other best friend why I don't want her to hang with us. SOS. — 3DG

Dear 3: To be your age and crazy about someone who does not reciprocate your feelings makes this a crush.
Updated: Fri Feb 21, 2014

Dear Margo: I'm 17 and crazy in love with one of my best friends, but I know nothing will ever come of it because we are both girls and she is straight. She's always with her boyfriend, and she asks me about boys and tells me about her sexual activities.

I can't stand this anymore. I've tried so many times to forget her, in vain. I don't think I can stop seeing her because I love her and care about her, and, also, I would have to explain to my other best friend why I don't want her to hang with us. SOS. — 3DG

Dear 3: To be your age and crazy about someone who does not reciprocate your feelings makes this a crush.

I think for many reasons you should come out. To parade around as a nonromantic girlfriend is not honest, nor is it good for you. I also think that when you come out you will find a reciprocal relationship, and you'll feel much better about a lot of things.

By the way, a gay going for a straight, or vice versa, is not all that unusual. I remember in college being wild about an upperclassman who was not the least bit interested in girls.

I guarantee you that when you start living your real life, this girl will be but a memory. You need to accept that this romantic attachment is not possible. — Margo, openly

HERE, BUT NOT HERE

Dear Margo: I am a teenager who loves my father but finds it difficult to live with him, as I'm in constant fear. He was raised in a Third World country in a different culture, where women are there to cook, clean and have babies.

His mindset does not bother me since I have grown up with it, but he is verbally and sometimes physically abusive.

I know he loves me, but it's difficult to be around him. I'm not able to hold a conversation with him unless we are in the company of others.

To any outsider, he is the ideal father. At home, I am yelled at and told I cannot do anything right and that I am worthless. At home, my name is "Girl." It does not bother me because it's all I know, but my friends find it shocking when they hear it.

I am afraid that my brother is developing my father's personality and mindset. He seldom talks to me without raising his voice, has taken to calling me names and is quick to anger — like my father.

A therapist told me there is nothing to be done because it is cultural and that I need to learn to get over it. But how does one go about doing that? Do I become quiet and submissive? — Girl

Dear Friend: (I cannot use your father's name for you.) My wish for you is not that you get over it, but that you get out of it.

You are in a difficult position because you know the customs of America, and yet you live in the household of a dictatorial man from a repressive culture. I suspect you cannot get out from under his roof until you go to college.

The fact that you've had access to a therapist, however, will help you keep going because you have understanding and, with luck, hope. In not too many more years, you will be out from under your father's thumb.

As for your brother, he is in for a rude shock if he expects to fit in with Americans. I would urge you to look ahead and to engage as little as possible with your father. You will make it. — Margo, compassionately