When Bad Things Happen to Good Kids

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 23 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

I read your column once because my mom showed me something you wrote about a girl losing her dog. I had lost my dog, too. That was a long time ago, but I have been feeling very sad lately. I didn't know who to talk to and then you popped into my mind.

I'm about to be a freshman in high school. I have an older brother and sister. We were all a very happy family. Then three years ago out of nowhere, my dad died at the age of 40. He had a brain aneurysm. It was so sad that for a long time I couldn't feel anything. At least, my mom and my brother and sister and I still have each other, and we still live in the same house with all our memories of when we were all a family.
Updated: Wed Jun 22, 2011

Hey, Cherie!

I read your column once because my mom showed me something you wrote about a girl losing her dog. I had lost my dog, too. That was a long time ago, but I have been feeling very sad lately. I didn't know who to talk to and then you popped into my mind.

I'm about to be a freshman in high school. I have an older brother and sister. We were all a very happy family. Then three years ago out of nowhere, my dad died at the age of 40. He had a brain aneurysm. It was so sad that for a long time I couldn't feel anything. At least, my mom and my brother and sister and I still have each other, and we still live in the same house with all our memories of when we were all a family.

Well, I didn't know that my grandfather was making the house payments, but now he can't make them anymore. My mom doesn't have the money. So, we had to rent it out and move. Now another girl lives in my bedroom. And we live in an ugly apartment where the ceiling looks like cottage cheese. Plus, it's a place my dad never even saw.

I am sad all the time, but I don't want my mom to see because she's also so sad. I want to help her feel better like by becoming a super model or a star on Disney. I could make a lot of money and get our house back, so we can be a family again. But I don't know how to do that. Can you help me?

— Homeless Girl

Hey, Homeless!

I am reaching through the computer right now and giving you the biggest hug. I wish virtual hugs felt like real ones, and I could hold your hand and look into your eyes and tell you this instead of having you read it in the newspaper.

There is no easy way to deal with grief. The only way to get through it is to go through it, and everyone does that differently. To lose your family home after losing your dad makes it feel like the grief will never end. Here are some things that I do know. Even though your dad isn't with you physically, if you are very still and just breath, you will feel him in your heart. My dad still comes to me in my dreams.

Even though your dad isn't with you physically, you are still a family. And as long as you share both the joy and the loss with your mom and your siblings and anyone else who knew and loved your dad, he will never leave you. It doesn't matter what house you live in or where you are. A person is not defined by his or her body. And a home is wherever there is family and love. Yeah, that sounds kinda touchy-feely and doesn't make you hurt any less. And I bet there are moments when you'd like to go snatch that girl in "your" house and in "your" bedroom.

You aren't responsible for making things better for your mom. And fantasies about becoming a super model aren't the answer. Time, love and being the kind of person your dad would want you to be will help you heal. You also might want to see a therapist. alone or as a family, who specializes in grief counseling. You can ask your mom or your school counselor or your minister, priest or rabbi about this. Please stay in touch. I'm here for you if you need me.

Hey, Cherie!

I have a bet with my friend. This is for real, so don't blow me off, OK? I say you can get pregnant with your underwear on, even if you're still a virgin. My friend says no way unless it's a religious miracle.

I know this guy whose cousin told me that she got pregnant that way. And I don't think that she is a liar.

Who's right? I could win Taylor Swift tickets if it's me.

— Lynnette P.

Hey, Lynette!

You're right. Since this is a family newspaper, I guess I can't go into details in the column — although personally I think I should — but, hey, I don't make the rules. Suffice to say that sperm swims. You can research this for the scientific data or write to me and I'll explain further. It's a really important thing for you to know.

Not only is science on your side, but I also know this is true from my own family. It's how my older brother came into this world. Enjoy the concert.