Stop and Reconnect

Jan Denise
Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

With the price of gas, more people are staying close to home for vacation. And that could be your recipe to reconnect.

We can place so much emphasis on a place — seeing and doing it all to make the trip "worthwhile" — that we aren't really present with our partner!

My husband, Sam, and I have a tradition of kissing after we sit down to dinner, and before we begin eating. This is big for both of us … Sam because he likes to dive right into the food, and I because I have a thing about eating while the food is hot (guess I like to dive right in, too).
Updated: Thu Jun 05, 2008

With the price of gas, more people are staying close to home for vacation. And that could be your recipe to reconnect.

We can place so much emphasis on a place — seeing and doing it all to make the trip "worthwhile" — that we aren't really present with our partner!

My husband, Sam, and I have a tradition of kissing after we sit down to dinner, and before we begin eating. This is big for both of us … Sam because he likes to dive right into the food, and I because I have a thing about eating while the food is hot (guess I like to dive right in, too).

Anyway, we kiss first. And we continue kissing until we're both present. It's easy to get into a rut and kiss — or say I love you — without meaning it. We have to be present in order to feel the connection, rather than merely go through the motions.

Everyday busyness tempts us to think about what comes next, what has to be done before lunch or bedtime. Our egos are easily lured by meeting expectations and rehearsing the times we fell short, which can leave us living in the past and the future, rather than the present.

We can only truly live in this moment, though, and only if we're present for it. And we can only truly live with a sweetheart by being present with him (or her).

Changing our surroundings can cut some distractions, but we have to do more than that to escape the ongoing chatter of our minds! You know this is true if you've ever tried to put a rambling mind to sleep. Simply being conscious of your breath, with the intention of breathing in peace, is the most effective exercise I know of.

It doesn't matter so much where you vacation as it does that you're really there with your sweetheart — and not reassessing what went wrong or rehearsing your next business deal. Then you can sigh and smile and talk and snuggle and kiss and say I love you … and feel how good it is to be together.

Instead of admiring impressive architecture and art, you can admire each other. Instead of catching a bigger fish or the latest Broadway play, you can catch each other.

You might spend the would-be travel money on exquisite sheets and a hammock for two … and have time to use them together. And don't be surprised if your own backyard turns into a natural wonder.

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change," said Buddha.

A flower is the sexual organ of a plant. Imagine how much your relationship would change if you could see the miracle of your partner clearly. To do that, quiet your mind and your ego, open your eyes and your heart … and drink your sweetheart in. And then feel what you can feel. A miracle.

You won't just reconnect with your partner; you'll reconnect with your essence, the essence of life, love, God.

This is the perfect time (perhaps with the price of gas giving you a little nudge) to "get away," to be still and know who you are, to be still and know who your partner is. Where do you have the best shot at quieting your mind? And how long will it take you to truly do that?

Go where you need to go — even if it's home — and stay as long as you need to stay.

Start again with a fresh slate. Dump the hostility about what didn't happen and the false notions about what should happen. Give each other and your love the benefit of the doubt. And just be still, be present.

Be refreshed, and refresh your relationship.

Jan Denise is a columnist, author of the book "Naked Relationships," speaker and coach based in McIntosh, Fla. Please e-mail her at jandenise@nakedrelationships.com, or visit her website at www.nakedrelationships.com. To find out more about Jan Denise, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.