What's Up, Alley Cat?

Jessica Burtch
Thu, 26 Sep 2013 00:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

I was driving down an alley in my neighborhood recently at dusk. It's a residential alley, so I was moving slowly. Up ahead about 100 feet, I saw a man walking in the alley toward me. He was walking on the right side of the alley, my right, so I aimed my car as far left as possible. When I did that, he headed in that direction. So I steered right. So he walked right. And as I straightened out my car to head dead center — at a crawl at this point — he did the same, picking up speed until he was standing directly outside my driver's side window, pounding on my car and yelling at me to roll it down. As if. I was pretty stunned and shouted a colorful version of, "Are you out of your mind?" and drove off.

While I realize it's unlikely this is going to happen again, I'm wondering what you would have done in that situation. I'm a woman, alone in a car, closing in on dark outside. I had the presence of mind to lock my doors when I realized something was up with this guy. And it was never an option that I would open the door for him.

I considered that maybe, to him, a pedestrian, I appeared to be driving too fast. Personally, I feel certain I was not driving at a dangerous or unreasonable speed. Maybe he's just nuts. Aside from the eyes, he didn't look mentally ill. He was tall, thin, with curly blond hair and wearing khakis and a polo shirt. Maybe he was going for "distressed" in the hopes that I'd feel compelled to stop and help. But it felt hostile. There have been a lot of robberies in my neighborhood this summer, so I feel a little guilty that I didn't report this incident. What do you think? — Freaked in the Driver's Seat
Updated: Thu Sep 26, 2013

I was driving down an alley in my neighborhood recently at dusk. It's a residential alley, so I was moving slowly. Up ahead about 100 feet, I saw a man walking in the alley toward me. He was walking on the right side of the alley, my right, so I aimed my car as far left as possible. When I did that, he headed in that direction. So I steered right. So he walked right. And as I straightened out my car to head dead center — at a crawl at this point — he did the same, picking up speed until he was standing directly outside my driver's side window, pounding on my car and yelling at me to roll it down. As if. I was pretty stunned and shouted a colorful version of, "Are you out of your mind?" and drove off.

While I realize it's unlikely this is going to happen again, I'm wondering what you would have done in that situation. I'm a woman, alone in a car, closing in on dark outside. I had the presence of mind to lock my doors when I realized something was up with this guy. And it was never an option that I would open the door for him.

I considered that maybe, to him, a pedestrian, I appeared to be driving too fast. Personally, I feel certain I was not driving at a dangerous or unreasonable speed. Maybe he's just nuts. Aside from the eyes, he didn't look mentally ill. He was tall, thin, with curly blond hair and wearing khakis and a polo shirt. Maybe he was going for "distressed" in the hopes that I'd feel compelled to stop and help. But it felt hostile. There have been a lot of robberies in my neighborhood this summer, so I feel a little guilty that I didn't report this incident. What do you think? — Freaked in the Driver's Seat

I think khakis are a sorry gauge of sanity. Mental instability doesn't have a look; it has a behavior, a range of behaviors that certainly includes what you describe, Freak. Concerned sane soccer dads don't stalk headlong into the path of a moving vehicle and start wailing on it. They get out of the way and into position to take some blurry pics of your plates. Your scene has all the hallmarks of a batsh*t crazy rager on the loose.

Clearly you did the right thing by not lowering your window or opening your door. I so wish everyone would get into the habit of locking their doors. It's easy — and remarkably advantageous in moments like this.

As a rule, don't be shy about calling 911 when strange dudes come to fisticuffs with your car. If I felt secure, I might've snapped a few pics before getting out of there. Safety first, and if there's any indication that he's armed, I'm gone. But the point of the pics is to have something solid to report. Eyewitness recall is notoriously flawed. Your tall, thin, blond man is probably a chubby bald chick. As it stands, you don't have much to offer the police, but if you have a neighborhood watch, I'd bring it to them.

Oh, and I stash a hammer, a flashlight, a phone charger and a fat can of pepper spray in the glove box for good measure. And there are some seriously screaming siren apps available for your phone.

Follow Jessica on Twitter @sicaleigh, and ask her just about anything at askquestionable@gmail.com. To find out more about Jessica Leigh and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers, visit creators.com.